This One is For the Single Girls.

Posted by Raven Gates on

Singleness is a Blessing!

   If I could have had it my way, I would have been married by now.
I would have married my high school sweetheart or met a handsome boy in college, and we would have gotten engaged right after graduation. Heck, I would of even married a few boys I met on tinder- If it would have worked out.  It wasn’t that I was boy crazy, or even imagined my wedding as a little girl. It was because I had a heart to be a wife and a mother, and I still do.

If you too have a heart of a wife and a mother, I know how painful it is to wait. 

But before I get into wedding bliss, where every Wednesday I'm going to give you a few wedding updates and blog posts, I feel like I should start off by expressing to you how low my lows were and how high my highs were as a single woman.


                                                   

SINGLE AF!

   I’m sure you’ve seen the movie 27 Dresses. Hello, that’s me. I am her. I almost took a picture of my closet so you could see how many bridesmaid dresses I actually have hanging in there. Instead I’m going to go down the line in my closet and tell you.


 I have my little cousin’s bridesmaid
       dress in my closet, who is 10 years
       younger than me.

    •  My two best friends dresses are in 
       there.

    •  I have a couple of dresses from a
       few brides that I was in the 1st and 2nd wedding.

    • I was a bridesmaid in my grandmother’s 3rd wedding.
(Thanksgiving of 2012, she told me to never get married)

    A few dresses that I have I truly believe the brides just asked me to be a bridesmaid out of pity. (If you ever have been a bridesmaid, you know that it’s TOTALLY okay not to be a bridesmaid. Let me just sit in the audience and enjoy the cake.)

Lastly, I have a few dresses that I never wore, because the weddings were called off.

Let me say this- I am so grateful that these women picked me to be in their wedding. I was happy for every single woman that got married on those days. They were perfect moments in time and I was so lucky to be a part of their special day.  But I couldn’t help but think maybe I was falling behind. Time was passing and here I was with no potential suitors. I have caught so many bouquets that I probably would have enough flowers for my whole wedding coming up- HAH! Granted, the last few weddings I had been to, I was the only single one.


    It was annoying that I had became the only single woman standing and waiting to catch a bouquet by the bride. Whats even more annoying is to catch it standing In the middle of 10 year olds who cry when my height and long arms reach across their head.
    It had also become increasingly annoying coming home from college and the thanksgiving dinner conversation ended up being about me and why I wasn’t dating anyone…  
     It also became a running joke that I had to go on The Bachelor in order to find someone. (Which was the best thing I've ever done as a single woman.. but that's another blog post...)

I could handle it being annoying. I wasn’t in a rush. I had never been in a hurry to find someone. All these things bothered me, but I could deal with it.

The scary part is the conversation I was having with myself. I almost tricked myself into believing that I didn't want to be a wife or a mother. It was easier to believe that then to always hoping and always being let down.

Mr. Right Now and Mr. Right!

I believe that people come into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. And people that were meant for a season, you can't put into your lifetime category. I've tried. 

         Mr Right Now is not the same person as Mr. Right. TRUST AND BELIEVE ME.  Oh, the time I wasted and the lessons I have learned the hard way by ignoring the fact I was not with the right person.  
              Hoping a boy would love me back, as much as I loved him was like giving my soul a self-inflicting wound. Why I thought I wanted someone who didn’t want me was a good idea...I’ll never know.  
               I look back now and get so mad at putting myself into those situations.
              I’ve also dated a Mr. Right Now that wasn’t a jerk at all. He actually had every checked box on my list. Still yet, he wasn’t the one. That break up was no easier than the jerk who shattered my heart in two. Each breakup taught me a little bit more about myself. My ownership in what I did wrong in the relationship. Mistakes that I had made that I would never make again. What I wanted, what I didn’t want.
      It's okay to make mistakes in dating. This is your time of personal growth, and maturing. I hope you are wise enough to know the difference between Mr. Right Now and Mr. Right. And I hope if you find yourself with Mr. Right Now that you find the confidence and the strength to exit the relationship. I pray that you find yourself and love yourself the way you deserve... and you don’t need a man to do that.

Oh, and P.S. Remember, people will treat you the way you let them treat you. 


CHEETOS ON MY WHITE COMFORTER MOMENT


     Around my mid-twenties and years of dating failure, I had an epiphany.  It was right after a very pitiful self-loathing moment I was also having… “Why can’t I find anyone?” “Will anyone love me?” “Does God just want me to be single the rest of my life?” “Why does this boy not love me as much as I love him?” Pretty dramatic for a twenty-something year old.
    Still today it’s one of my favorite memories of being single. I was eating Cheetos in my bed that had a big fluffy white comforter, watching Sex and the city.  As I was eating Cheetos and not caring if the crumbs fell onto my white comforter, I had a self-realization. I knew at that very moment, that the phase in my life of being in my own bed, in my own apartment, eating whatever I wanted in my bed, would never come again.  

This may be the only time in my life to ever be completely selfish. 

              One day you’ll be a wife. One day you’ll be a mother. And with those two wonderful titles comes great responsibility. There will be times where you have to put yourself second. But right now, in this moment, I had no one to tell me I couldn’t eat Cheetos in my bed. Or to be careful because you’re on a white comforter. No one was complaining to me about changing the TV channel from my favorite show because they wanted to watch something. Nope, none of those things were happening, and as much as I wanted to be with my soulmate, I found such pleasure in doing whatever the heck I wanted.
         In that moment, as silly as it may seem, I realized that singleness was a gift. 

 I hope whatever you are doing on your own, whether it be eating ice cream out of the carton, or traveling to places without having to check in with someone- You are enjoying every minute of it. Be grateful and thankful for the season you are in, because seasons pass and seasons change.


WAITING!

              Someone once told me to never pray for patience, because you never know how long God might teach you patience-HAH! With that being said, I never prayed for patience while waiting on the right person. I did pray that God’s will and timing be done. I prayed for my God given woman intuition to nudge at my heart and my mind when I was with someone who I wasn’t supposed to be with, and that if I was still left confused and hurt, that the strong women in my life would speak truth into my heart.

Waiting is a lot easier when you see your worth and you view being single as a blessing.
 
It’s also a lot easier when you have women rooting for you to love yourself as they see you. (Thank you Mom. Thank you, Whitlee. Thank you, Kelly. Thank you, Lauren. Thank you, Tia. Thank you, Ms. Skoog. )



WHAT I HOPE YOU KEEP IN MIND..


All in all, all you single ladies, I want you to know that I understand your pain and frustration. I also want you to know that being single is a blessing. It’s a season of self realization and self growth. Learn about yourself. Love yourself. Do all the things you wanted to do. Travel. Eat. Find your happy.

And lastly, always, always remember, your worth is not defined by a man. It's defined by you.



Next week I'll talk more wedding, but this week I wanted to encourage all those single girls out there. I am praying for you, I am rooting for you. Know your worth. 

XOXO, 
Raven 






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51 comments

  • I loved all of this but as a woman in her 40s who is still single its a struggle to think it’s a blessing. It’s hard to believe at times if there is anyone out there for me. However with that said congrats.

    Coco on
  • Thank you SO much for sharing this sweet post. God bless you and Adam in this new season you’re in.

    Crystal on
  • you hit the nail on the head, i honestly didn’t know how bad i needed to read this also, im obsessed with the cheetos reference. thank you thank you thank you for this, ill read it 100 times

    angela on
  • Wow thank you for writing this. This is excellent perspective from a single woman who has now found her happy. I was single for a long time and can relate to everything you wrote here. As I approached my early thirties and still hadn’t found a partner I too tried to convince myself that this was just the way it was going to be. Maybe it wasn’t meant for me to find someone. Maybe I was meant to be single in this life. I tried to embrace it but I still had hope in my heart that god had other plans for me. It’s very hard to keep your faith when time and Time again you get burned by the dating world. But I focused on myself. I have a great career where I am financially independent, I have my own apartment and am able to come and go as I please. At 32 I finally found the right guy. And let me tell you he was totally worth all the pain and self growth and dating experiences that didn’t work out. I truly feel that god put him in my life when I was ready to handle the responsibility of a serious relationship. And when it’s the right person they will love you for you and you won’t have to convince him to treat you right or to love you. Single ladies. Have faith and embrace your singleness until god puts your partner in your life. Thank you raven for not forgetting abt the single ladies 💕💕

    Carolyn on
  • Thank you so much for the reminder. It was much needed.❤️
    xoxox

    Kelsey Huff on

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