Curve balls, Arguments, & Advice.
*Disclaimer* I'm not here to give advice, just here to share some advice I've been given!
I know, I know. I can’t foresee the future and know exactly what kind of problems Adam and I may face as a couple.
Curve balls are those unexpected things in life you can't see coming. Life has thrown big curve balls these past 28 years, so I know life has some more coming for me. However, I do believe I can be proactive by seeking out advice from every single person in every single walk of life. Sure, everyone has different issues, different life paths, but we all want the same thing. Love, happiness, and hope in a better future.
I started off my relationship with Adam in a completely different mindset than I had started off other relationships in the past.I wanted to be a problem solver, and a true partner to Adam. In setting that goal for myself, I've learned to be empathetic, to listen, and even when I didn’t agree that I TRY to see where Adam was coming from and his point of view. This has also required me to do a lot of self reflection which has only made me into a better person. It also helps that Adam is very attentive and also tries to understand my point of view. (I have been in relationships where this was one sided making it impossible to grow as a couple.)
I’ll give you some examples of mine and Adam’s disagreements, but first let me show you some tools Adam and I have used.
LOVE LANGUAGES & THE ENNEGRAM
I'm sure you have heard of the 5 love languages by now.
Which one are you? Take the quiz here! (Leave your results in the comments below!)
Adams: Words of Affirmation
Mine: Physical Touch
My sweet friend Jennifer Love-Hewitt broke it down best by using this meme to better understand love langues..
Which one do you like giving?
For example, I definitely want to be held like a taco..aka Physical Touch, but i don't really want to hold Adam like a taco HAH!
See? There's a difference!
*Disclaimer to you trolls, obviously this is not the bullet proof way of loving someone. It's just a fun tool to better understand a tiny piece of your partner...SO don't come for me.*
The enneagram is a personality test that measures you based on 9 different personalities.
Adam’s Result: 3 The Achiever My Result: 6 The loyalist
To read more about your results you can click this link!
In Summary here are our basic fears and desires laid out by the enneagram.
Basic Fear: Of being worthless
Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile
Basic Fear: Of being without support and guidance
Basic Desire: To have security and support
I didn't need to take a test to see how completely different we are, but these were a great look into the depths of our personalities. I'm not going to lie, these were eerily spot on.
All of these things are great tools to have. Are they going to fix your problems, solve relationship issues? No, but they are a great tool to better understand one another. But when curve balls in life come your way, there's no better resource than those that have been through those situations.
That's why Adam and I have been asking people in all walks of life what their one best piece of advice is when it comes to marriage and relationships. Whether it be a couple that had been together for 1 year or 50 years, we always ask the same question and this is what I’ve gotten.
MARRIAGE ADVICE FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE
"It's never 'me' or 'you', it's 'us' and 'we'- about to get married
"Don't do it!!" --- Less than a year.
"It's easy to take out your frustrations on them, but don't do it" -less than a year.
“Go to marriage counseling.” – Couple of 1 year.
"Don't ruin a dinner because of a bad attitude"- Couple of 2 years.
"There's good & bad days. Remember your vows on both." -Couple of 3 years.
"Dress up for each other, but have sweatpants waiting at home" -couple of 3 yrs.
"God 1st, spouse 2nd" --Couple of 5 years.
"Pick your battles" -Couple of 8 years.
"Keep Dating." -- Couple of 12 years.
“Never ever lie about finances.” – Couple of 38 years.
“It’s not 50/50 in a relationship. It’s 100/100.” – Couple of 45 years.
“Don’t go to bed angry”- Everyone.
In the comments below, tell me YOUR best advice!
Preparing for all of these curve balls, (especailly when it comes to the wedding day) I asked YOU guys on IG what advice you would give a bride!
*Thank you guys so much for sharing all of your great words of wisdom!!*
Here are the TOP liked comments on my Instagram/Facebook!
- To take 5-10 minutes at the reception, step aside with your husband, and enjoy watching everyone celebrate your love! The time goes by SO fast, watching everyone celebrate the reason for the day is so special! 💕 @court_mack05 (85 Likes on IG)
- I let my husband pick my perfume for the day. We shopped for it together, which was so fun! Now I wear it for special occasions and it always makes him smile. @anniesanticsonthefarm (71 Likes on IG)
- Write down a list of all the photos you want the photographer to for sure take beforehand! Sometimes in the rush of the day, important photos get missed. @missberkoismrsbrown (40 Likes on IG)
- And one of my favorite parts...before we did our walk out to leave for the evening, our DJ cleared everyone out to line up for sparklers and played one last song with just US in the reception area to dance to 💓 @alishablevins (26 Likes on IG)
- Hire a videographer!! Best money spent!! @kimmywunder (26 Likes on IG)
- Take pictures with each of your tables there are so many guests I wish I got pics with @xosallyannxo ( 16 Likes on IG)
- Um...elope? (Sorry, but so true.) @todda_vee
-Don’t wear Shapeware you will sweat to death. Just for my personal experience 🤣. Maybe not the best advice I was given or half but definitely something important to know - Destiny Bray (Facebook)
- -Hire a wedding planner!!! - Leslie Farley (facebook)
- -“Keep the main thing, the main thing” You’re marrying your soulmate. At the end of the day that’s all that matters. The mishaps, unplanned things, or extra stress will not matter when it’s just you and Adam standing up there! My grandpa always told me that in every life situation. It sure makes things less stressful. -Danielle Shroud (Facebook)
- -It’s you and you’re future husbands big day, so enjoy it, and make sure it is what you want! Have friends and family help create your dream wedding, take other peoples ideas into perspective, but don’t let anyone rain on your parade or ideas of what you want! -Amanda Nunally (Facebook)
- -Don’t forget it’s BOTH of your day. Remember his opinions and let him include a a few special things he likes as well. So many brides make it about what they want and what they’ve always pictured but never ask the groom if there is anything special they have always wanted. Weddings are not just for the bride. -Terren Davis (Facebook)
- -It’s your wedding and you can’t make everyone happy. Christeena Mooneyhan (Facebook)
- Dont drink too much! You will want to remember everything!- Cynthia Mckinley (Facebook)
- have and keep trust without it you have nothing with each other - Virginia Goff (Facebook)
Well, that sums up this week's #weddingwednesday ! Next week I have a huge huge surprise in the works so make sure you don't miss it! ..I'm even freaking out a little bit!!
Thank you guys for always sharing with me, giving me your feedback, and being a part of my life. I love every single one of you.